Mentor, Coach, Manager, Leader: What’s the Difference?

I’ve had so many conversations over my career, like the examples below. I also talk to friends and family who share similar experiences, and in my interactions with people I mentor and coach, I hear the same types of stories.

Example number one: A co-worker says, “You’re telling me I need to show that I can help other people develop in their careers, but I can’t coach people when I’m not a manager.” (Not true.)

Example number two: Someone I’m mentoring says, “I’m trying hard to get promoted, but I’m told I have an experience gap leading people. I can’t lead people if I can’t get promoted to a formal leadership position!” (Absolutely not right.)

Example number three: A person I’m talking with says something along these lines, “I hear all the time about what great work I do…so why can’t I get promoted?” (So real it hurts.)

And, a final example: “I’ve been serving as a mentor for years. How can they say I’m not qualified for a formal leadership role?” (Keep reading.)

These situations often lead to long conversations about coaching, mentoring, leading, and managing. There’s a difference between coaching and mentoring, and there’s also a difference between managing and leading. Different situations call for each of these tactics, and some problems are tough enough that we need to use all of them.

When we’re looking for people to help us with our development, we must be specific with our ask. It’s also helpful that we use a common vocabulary. As we map a plan for our development goals, those same things are essential — we need to be specific and use terminology that people understand. When we aren’t straightforward and use words that aren’t understood, it is harder for us to get what we’re looking for. So, let’s make things easier.

The roles of mentor, coach, manager, and leader are all important and valuable, and each of them is achievable for each of us as a development goal. But they are very different. If we’re going to find people to play the parts in our development, or if we’re going to inhabit the roles ourselves, we need to understand the nuances of them. We also need to understand the boundaries and which of these we can play outside of formal job titles. Spoiler: all of them except the manager.

Mentor

A mentor can help you grow and succeed in your career. Mentors can provide expert guidance on a specific subject and serve as a role model. In many cases, we can pattern our development after our mentor; we look at their skills and competencies, identifying our gaps.

A mentor can help guide us to success, but they aren’t necessarily going to tell us exactly how to go about it. They can provide a positive example, guidance, and a wealth of information. A mentor is not usually a job title — any person at any level can act as a mentor if they meet the other criteria described above.

When I evaluate whether someone is meeting the mark as a mentor, I look at whether their mentees are making progress towards their goals. Mentors can and should be a guide, a resource, and a helper on our development journey. They are not a magician. All the work of developing, getting promoted, and changing your brand is still up to you.

Key Take-Away: You can be a fantastic mentor, which does not automatically mean you are also a leader. These two terms are not interchangeable.

Coach

A coach focuses on helping you improve your performance. A coach can help you identify gaps in skills and competencies and works with you to create an action plan to address those gaps. A coach doesn’t have to be an expert in the same field as you, but they need to be a great observer and deliver candid feedback. You’ll sometimes see a coach used as a job title or formal role — an example of this is an agile coach.

In terms of your development, the term coach doesn’t have to be a proper role; it can be an informal one. For instance, a peer can be assigned as your coach when you join a new team, and that can be considered an “other duty as assigned” that they take on for a short time to help with your onboarding.

They will likely give us ideas on how to go about doing it, too. They provide feedback and action ideas. There are times when your manager or another leader in your reporting chain will act as a coach to you. A peer may sometimes act as a coach if there is a skill or subject matter that you need assistance with developing.

To determine if a coach is performing effectively, first, I look at their assessment of who they’re coaching (what did they establish as the areas for growth?). Then I compare that against their suggestions for development; what are they “prescribing” that the target undertakes to make progress? Are those suggestions reasonable, actionable, and will they help create change?

Key Take-Away: A coach can help us gain specific skills or address performance areas that need development.

Manager

A manager is responsible for activities that need to get done and the people who need to do them. A manager is a formal role or job title. You don’t get to decide to be a manager, it’s something that you either are or aren’t, and you and everyone else will know it. This role is the only one on this list that you don’t get to decide to be on your own.

The manager’s specific job responsibilities will depend on their assignment, but there are a few broad skills and competencies that apply to the role of manager. Managers need to be able to communicate clearly so that their employees understand expectations. They also use their communication skills to deliver clear feedback when necessary (good feedback and constructive feedback). Managers use their organizational skills to ensure that work completes in a timely and efficient manner. They use problem-solving skills to solve problems that arise in the course of conducting business.

When conducting a manager evaluation, the job description and the year’s goals provide context. I also assess whether the manager builds strong relationships with their direct reports, peers, and stakeholders. I’ll then look at the manager’s coaching and leadership qualities; while not always required, they are certainly differentiators.

Key Take-Away: A manager doesn’t have to be a mentor, coach, or leader, but good managers are all of these.

Leader

First, being a leader isn’t tied to a title or a role. Anyone at any level can be a leader. Some of the finest leaders I’ve ever known have been in individual contributor roles with no direct reports. Please don’t be fooled by the notion that you need a title or a formal role to be a leader. Suppose you’re struggling with getting the opportunities you’re looking for or are dissatisfied with the perception decision-makers have of you. In that case, I can assure you that this belief that you need a title or role first is at least part of what’s holding you back.

A leader is a person that other people want to follow! That’s the first part of my definition. What makes people want to follow? The ability to influence, engendering loyalty, articulating a common vision that builds a sense of shared mission — those are all ways to create a following.

Creating the following must be combined with acumen. This second part often gets overlooked. But just because you can recruit people into your fold doesn’t mean that you make good choices about using that power. That’s why the second part of my definition is the much more difficult part. True leaders exhibit the ability to make the right decisions, especially when exercising their power. And the power you have when people are willing to follow you is immense.

When I need to determine if someone is demonstrating leadership effectively, I use the definition I’ve shared with you in this article. I first check whether the person in question can convince people to follow them. If they can, I gauge whether they exercise sound judgment in deciding how to use that power. That’s the most effective measure of leadership I’ve found, and it’s worked for me in quite a few different business contexts.

Key Take-Away: Creating a following + using it wisely = leadership.

Your Call to Action

If it serves you and your development, spend some time thinking about these roles: mentor, coach, manager, and leader. Where would you rate yourself in each? Do you have a need and a desire to grow? Do you need a mentor or a coach? Do you know how decision-makers perceive your leadership abilities? Do you need to influence that perception in a different direction? Once you understand your current state and the gaps you have, you can start making a plan for moving forward.

As I mentioned in the opening paragraphs, the next article in this series will focus on demonstrating that you’re a leader, whether you’re in a formal leadership role or looking to move into one.

Additional Reading

• This article has been around for many years, but it’s still a great primer on the fundamental differences between managers and leaders.

Managers and Leaders: Are They Different? Harvard Business Review, Zaleznik, A.

• A continuous focus on self-improvement is critical for all leaders, especially new ones.

Anyone Can Learn to Be a Better Leader HarvardBusinessReview.com, Valcour, M.

• Ready to look for a mentor? This article has some great tips to help with the search and the beginning of the relationship.

10 Tips for Finding a Mentor — and Making the Relationship Count themuse.com, Roepe, L.R.